Peggle: Or how I learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Unicorn

Hey loyal readers and people I am trying to guilt into reading this blog more! I am on a little vacation right now, and as such I haven't had as much writing time as I would like. But that's ok, because I know other people who like to write as well. So today's post comes courtesy of The Conquistador from El Salvador, hence forth referred to as Eto! Enjoy it immensely, for I have commanded it be so!

-Grizz

It’s easy to dismiss a game like Peggle. At points, it feel like a game that you don’t really play as much as observe, and the game is full of characters that look like a cross between Spongebob Squarepants and a Walt Disney acid trip.

Where is your god now? - photo from kombo.com

The basic premise of the game is extremely simple. Every level is filled with a number of colored Pegs, ranging from blue (the most abundant and boring; really, they do nothing except get in the way), green (they unlock your character’s special ability), red (rumor is they have no soul) and purple (they make drank). Your objective is to shoot balls out of a cannon from the top of the screen and destroy all the red pegs in the level in order to advance. Alongside the bottom of the screen, there is a “ball-catcher” (think, big bucket) that moves back and forth across the level, if your ball ends up landing inside the hole, you get an extra ball. The game mechanics seem simplistic and shallow, but they’re surprisingly enjoyable and will give you hours of fun if you can get past the seemingly shallow shell (much like Lady GaGa).

As I mentioned earlier, the artistic designers decided to get high and create a number of characters that are somewhere between Nintendo-cute and demonically possessed.

Artist rendition of what Rex from a Toy Story / Exorcist crossover would look like - photo from giantbomb.com

Each character has a different special ability that is unlocked when your ball hits a green peg. For example, the pedophile dragon shown above makes your next two balls to catch on fire and burn every peg they touch; another extends the ball catcher so that it’s easier to get extra balls. This adds some very good variety and strategy to a game that is, for the most part, about pointing your cannon and letting gravity do its work.

After all the orange pegs are cleared, the ball catcher disappears, and a row of five holes with different bonus levels show up. At the same time, Beethoven’s Ode to Joy starts blasting through your speakers. Finally, when your ball lands inside one of the holes, rainbows and stars shoot out of it, and you move on to the next level.

Seriously, these are sick, sick people making this game. - photo from 1up.com

However, it’s hard to recommend playing this game. It’s not because it’s a bad game, but because playing Peggle is like having an M&M filled with crack / cocaine and then being denied a second hit. This game is hypnotizing addictive, and makes you make up words. If you look past the graphics (or on the other hand, have that crack M&M and focus solely on the graphics) you’ll find an extremely simple but extremely addicting casual puzzle game. You can take the game’s graphical presentation seriously, or as a big joke. If you’re in the first group, you’ll probably hate this game. However, if you take the game for what it is and either ignore or find bulgy-eyed unicorns funny, you will waste your life away playing this game. Now if you excuse me, I have to go back and help my magic rabbit destroy some ginger pegs.

Hi! I’m here to end you! - photo from kombo.com

-Eto